(Written in about 1975)
Each of us files a daily report as to how we feel about the Church in our actions. Silently we acclaim or protest through our support or non-support of what we see and hear. This is an unsolicited verbal report filed for any and all who might be interested. As you might guess, what is said below is the perspective of a single individual. You are also a single individual. May we compare notes?
The first thing I must do to give you my reactions is to separate some things out. The most important of these are the Savior, the Gospel, the Church, and the people of the Church.
I think of the Savior as my friend and companion. That sounds presumptuous, but I am willing to say it because I think of myself as His friend and servant. And I say it because I know the sweet peace of His spirit.
Feeling His spirit is the sweetest, most desirable experience in my life. Sometimes it gives me an overwhelming spiritual shock, as when I read Micah 6:8, or D&C 121:45–46, or Matthew 25:40. That shock shakes the very core of my being; I cannot deny what is said, for I know it is true. I know, because of such experiences that the Lord loves righteousness, and, therefore, He loves me. I know also that I love righteousness, and, therefore, I love Him. That’s why I think of Him as my friend. We both desire the same goals, and delight in the same things, especially to do justly, and to have mercy.
But, to be frank, the Lord scares me at the same time I feel His friendship. He is perfect in righteousness, and I am far from it. Though I think less of myself for it, I do yet yield to the flesh, filling its desires when I should not. Or sometimes anger or pride well up within me to defy the humility of the Holy Spirit. I know well what Nephi was talking about when he lamented because of his flesh in 2 Nephi 4. But Nephi is small comfort on that point. I see clearly that I will go on being scared until I have fully repented. I think that is what it means to work out our salvation in fear and trembling.
Sometimes I wonder about the whole business. The thought comes to me: You are just telestial material; no matter how hard you try you can never be like the Savior. But as I cry out in desperation to the Lord through hot tears, the sweet peace of the Spirit reaches to me like a cool breath to a fevered brow. It says: God is just, so do not worry about where you will be in eternity. There is much to be done now, for the sheep are scattered. Let the love of the lost sheep cause you to hunger to see them blessed. That hunger will enable you to overcome the flesh through the Savior; then you can do great good in this world.
So I have this testimony of the Lord. He speaks to me often through His spirit. He shows me the vision of righteousness and of Zion. He tells me how to read the scriptures. He has given me every good idea I have used in my professional and family life for many years. He reproves me when I am wayward, showing me the better way. When I am ill, His spirit heals me when I have learned my lesson, and He always teaches me some precious lesson that way. Do you see why I call Him my friend and companion? I have no mortal friend who compares with Him, save my wife. For Him I would gladly die, anytime, anywhere, even though I have never seen Him. But I also feel that I will die if I can never be faithful enough to see Him.
I love the Gospel because it teaches me of the Savior. I understand it to be those simple but marvelous ideas expressed in a few verses within 3 Nephi 27. It seems to be a formula for receiving the companionship of the Lord through His Holy Spirit. I know the Gospel is true because I have applied the formula and know that it works.
It took me a long time to learn the Gospel. The greatest obstacle was unlearning much of what I had been taught as a youngster in the Church. Until I seriously sought to dig out for myself the true meaning and application of faith and repentance, they were baffling because the cliches I heard didn’t fit the scriptures. With the help of some very spiritual people of the Church and the help of the Holy Spirit itself I have learned what I think are the essentials of the Gospel. My hesitation stems from the fact that every now and then I get a new and clearer glimpse of the first principles that makes me wonder if I ever really understood them before.
The scriptures seem to be the intellectual battleground where one struggles with ideas to get a clear and true idea of the Gospel formula. When we know the formula, our minds and bodies become the battleground for self control so that we might gain the companionship of the Holy Spirit. When one has the Holy Spirit, the world seems to be the battleground where one struggles to do good in the midst of great evil. As one succeeds in doing some good, the mysteries of heaven begin to unfold, a glimpse of celestial order and celestial kingdoms. If one is wise enough not to talk of them, knowledge of the mysteries becomes a great anchor to the soul. But there is no anchor to compare with the more sure word.
The Church, to me, is the priesthood organization extending from the Savior through the president of the Church down to each member. I like to think of the priesthood as a harness; it gives us a specific place to work, a specific relationship to other workers, a real opportunity to move along the work of God, which is the work of righteousness and salvation. If I can learn to fill my role, to do my priesthood assignments well, the Church can move forward. If we all pull together as the Savior directs, we together can do good things for this suffering world which could not be done by us alone or in any other way. It is both a great thrill and an awesome responsibility to be in the harness.
There have been times when I have aspired to high office in the Church. I dreamed once of becoming a general authority. I can see the adversary laughing gleefully when he has gotten me to think of desiring high office. The Lord in His kindness has let me have enough office to discover two most precious things. He has taught me first that there is no greater priesthood calling than father and mother; nothing is more challenging or more worthwhile than the firm establishment of a celestial family. Secondly, He has shown me that office in the Church is something I cannot refuse, but I must see Church office as an added burden which may destroy my primary family responsibility. If I am doing well in my family, I will have power to do well in my Church calling, and the better I then do in my Church calling, the more help I will have with my family. But if I am not doing well in my family, I will have little to offer to the Church; as I fail in my Church assignment, I destroy the possibility of ever having an eternal family. There is no way out but up. My love of the Lord must become so consuming that it will burn the dross out of me. Then I can be the father and the high priest that I want to be. Then I am fully on the Savior’s team and can do great eternal good. But oh the deceitfulness of the temptation to desire that which we do not have!
When I think of the priesthood order of the Church, I think particularly of the General Authorities, my Stake President, and my Bishop. I love to attend conference or any meeting where I am instructed and encouraged by those over me in authority. When any one of my file leaders speak, my soul resonates to the message, and their voice seems like the voice of my Father. Sometimes I am out of tune with them; I still get the message that they are right, but I am jarred by it. When I am most in tune, I can often anticipate what they will say and do. Needless to say, when I am in tune, sustaining them is a joy, for it is the Savior that I and they are unitedly sustaining.
The Brethren scare me, too, as does the Savior. I feel uncomfortable around them because I know that what they say is right and I am not yet doing all I could do. When, oh when, I keep wondering, will I ever get on the ball so that my confidence will wax strong in the presence of the Lord? Even though they burn me and scare me, I am proud of the Brethren and so grateful to have them to help me find the way of the Savior. I know many of them personally and can testify that they are great and godly men.
Sometimes I hear people criticize the Brethren. I hurt inside for the criticizer, for I know that he does not enjoy that great and uplifting gift of spiritual unity with them. The Holy Spirit has taught me to listen first to them, out of all the voices in this world, on any and every subject, at any time and place. When I talk with them, I perceive they are highly intelligent men. They have seen more of the world and know more of what is critical and urgent than any other group I have ever read or listened to. I marvel at the power and precision of the programs they bring out; the programs are not always final, but they are marvelously suited to the needs of the Church.
I see the Correlation work of the Church as the great struggle to convert all members of the Church to become servants of Jesus Christ. Church membership makes us nominal servants; the work of the program of correlation will bring our heart, might, mind and strength under that head, culminating in the establishment of the full patriarchal order. But the patriarchal order is simply the rule of Jesus Christ through His priesthood, the kind of rule that can be established only when people are fully faithful.
Home teaching (now Ministering) is the key to all Church work, as I see it. If it succeeds, the patriarchal order will be established; if it fails, I presume the Lord will simply wait for a new generation of children or converts who will be faithful. I have never glimpsed a greater organized power to raise souls to perfection than the Home Teaching Program (now the Ministering Program).
The genealogy program is another facet of the patriarchal system. I understand our greatest responsibility to be to seek after our kindred dead. Living or dead, we cannot serve Christ fully without honoring all our righteous fathers and blessing our children.
The missionary program is exciting to behold. As the great net sweeps the seas the harvest of souls almost breaks it. What a hope to know that there are kindred spirits in every nation, tongue and people! And what a joy to find them and to bring them unto Christ.
The welfare program is sort of the “proof of the pudding.” If the other programs “take” on us, then we feel a fierce urgency to do something for the poor. And that something will be to consecrate all we have to the Lord and His work, that His children might not lack blessing. The size of our souls is measured by the size of our ability to help others spiritually and temporally. For the whole Gospel, spiritually and temporally, in time and in eternity, for the saviors and those who save, is one great welfare program.
How does it look from the bottom? It looks great. The ship is sound and is on course. There are no better shipmates to be found anywhere. The officers know where they are going and are steering a correct course. I know that because my private receiver lets me listen in on their instructions. They are following the Master indeed.
Are there no troubles, no breaches, no lapses, you say? Indeed, there are problems. False doctrine is taught by some of us. Some of us in authority have little love. Some of us just relax in the harness and let the leaders pull us along. But the problems are the problems of the people of the Church, not problems of the Church, or the Gospel, or the Lord.
For this is my testimony, too: “Stick to the old ship.”